I was struck by this post, called An Open Apology, which Joe also read in church this week. He essentially proposes that the best form of apologetics is apologizing – demonstrating that God is real by apologizing up front for the things people have done in his name, rather than by careful reasoning and arguments (which also have their place). I identify with this expression of faith much more than what the word evangelism is typically taken to mean.
On the one hand it feels like faith and spirituality have been in the forefront of my mind recently, as though my awareness is heightened and my expectation for something, somewhere, is growing. On the other hand, I am not thinking about it – that is, I have no new thoughts on the matter. Or many thoughts at all. I am not pondering the nature of God, I am not reassessing my value system or deconstructing my cultural mores. Mostly I am just being, just inhabiting the strange space that is my life in Cincinnati, with its many wonderful components and its several frustrating aspects, but which for once has lately been uncontested by outside stressors – pending or recent births, moves, job changes, church hops, or financial crises. Well, ok, I can’t entirely rule the last one out, but it’s not stressing me at the time of this writing.
I suppose it’s my nature in this void of sorts to look for other things to stress over – parenting, my performance at my job, my inadequacies as a husband, father or friend. But in reality nothing is wrong with life right now. In this welcome lack of inner turmoil I have found myself instead looking at my forward boundaries in the arenas of friendship, spirituality and even finances, and musing on ways to advance them. Actually this most often becomes a general mushed up feeling of desire rather than any actual plans, since I can usually convince myself fairly quickly that I don’t know what I’m doing.
This blog often reads like a journal more than a series of essays on topics, something I think a good blog in part should be. If you don’t know me and you have read this far, send me an email and we can have coffee next time I’m in your neighborhood. I have occasionally toyed with the idea of writing more formal posts in a systematic way – music reviews or apologetical topics, for example. Apologetics is a strange and uniquely Christianese word, by the way – it makes it sound like we have to say we’re sorry to the rest of the world for the things we believe. In any case, as with all worthy ventures in life, making the time for more systematic posting is the hardest part. Most of my posts are fired off in between renders at the office or compiled over a period of several days as I find time to steal for them. (Now that’s apologetics. Or just bad excuses.)
And if you’ve forgotten what the subject of this particular post is, well then I told you so.