Amber and I have been spending quite a bit of time with some new friends recently, and the more we get to know them and get known by them the more full up my heart feels. It’s a wonderful thing, something I haven’t felt in a very long time – at least four years, since before we decided to move to Cincinnati. In some ways it feels like the time is being redeemed – though forests of disappointents confusion and questions that have sprung up over these years have yet to be macheted through.

I’ve been reading and writing thoughtful emails again, which has made me want to write more. And I’ve said that before on this blog, so I can’t promise anything. But I’ve been doing something I haven’t done in a long time – examining my own thoughts and feelings with an openness to perhaps having been wrong about some things, and in the process uncovering great stuff, like the full-heartedness that’s been growing, and some uglier stuff, like prejudices and fears that have kept me from seeing many people I meet as they truly are.

Trouble with my blogging habit thus far is that I’m so dang self-censoring. I edit my thoughts as I think them, I edit my sentences before I get halfway through them, and I edit my words as soon as I speak them. (See I’ve already come back and edited this post even though I just posted it.) By the time a thought gets to an idea which I compose into words that actually make it onto this blog it’s the prose equivalent of a pop song focus-grouped into meaninglessness. Well OK, that’s not really how I feel about (most of) the entries on this blog, but you get the idea.

I like this reawakening thing. I’m living an examined life once again, and it feels more worth living.

  1. Jane
    May 1, 2008 at 2:20 pm

    so good to have you back.You’re a good writer. Keep it up.

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