So one thing I’ve discovered in myself recently is an onset of Daddy Brain. Daddy Brain is in the same family of conditions as Mommy Brain, but manifests itself in quite a different way. Mommy Brain causes the short-term memory to atrophy, shrinking the retention of most information to a few minutes at best, unless it’s information that pertains to the necessary care of children and maintaining their schedules. It also is known to attack the language centers of the brain, causing one to lose grasp of 70-80% of the English language. What remains tends to be words like binky, Cheerios, and Target, and phrases such as get over here, where’s your sister, and get off the table.
Daddy brain on the other hand, targets the motivation center of the brain, dulling it and ultimately rerouting its neurons to the hunger and sleep reflex centers or the escape instinct function. In advanced cases, Daddy Brain has been known to cause a man to confuse impulses of constructive motivation with the overwhelming desire to hold a remote and/or take a nap.
I think I’ve had Daddy Brain for at least a year or two now, in various degrees at various times. I recognize it fairly often, but my knee-jerk response is ya, but who’s got the energy to try to overcome this? It’s a vicious cycle really, and one that I’m just on the front end of navigating my way out of. Two years ago I was an extraordinarily motivated guy, with a bunch of ideas and not enough time to pursue them all. Granted, my circumstances were different then (only one toddler and a baby, instead of two toddlers and an almost-toddler), but I can say with certainty that in retrospect I like myself much better then than I do now.
Figuring this one out will be tricky. As for right now, I have to go wipe a bottom.
So I’ve got a new job, five days off, and a foot or so of snow outside. I’m sitting with that sticky flushed-cheek sensation of having just come in from shoveling said snow, and feeling a little strange about all this change. We haven’t seen this much snow since we moved, which means our kids have never seen this much snow – there was much trudging and digging and (attempts at) sledding. Usually they’re done after ten minutes or so; today they lasted more than half an hour before they realized they were “too chilly”.
Leaving the job I’ve just left entails a bunch of detoxing and shedding of certain not-so-helpful world views – reasons for which I decided on the five-day siesta. There were lots of coping and self-protective attitudes I adopted in order to get through my days there, which in retrospect have dimmed my attitude on life in general. Starting a new job is one thing, but carrying this crap into it is something I don’t want to do. My self perception is on high sensitivity this weekend.